by Matthew M. Lug

Jim - The Hero

Zormix - A Wizard

Reginald - A King

Claude - The Villain (See description in Scene 4)

Lilia - A Princess

Guards (2) - The king's royal guards

Henchmen (2) - Claude's henchmen

Herald — The king’s herald

People (3)

SETTING: Small medieval-style kingdom

SCENE 1: Beneath the king's balcony

PERSON 1: (To PERSON 3) So what do you think it is this time? A royal decree about preserving flower gardens? Some new mandatory sword safety course? Or just the usual pointless gathering for the sake of having a pointless gathering?

PERSON 2: (Excitedly) Ooh, ooh, I hope it's a new holiday, I just love holidays.

PERSON 3: (To PERSON 3) Maybe it's an intelligence ordinance requiring all persons within 500 feet of the palace to have demonstrated at least a minimal amount of intelligence.

PERSON 2: (Quickly and mindlessly) Huh? What would be the point of that, it just doesn't make sense, at least I don't think it does, I mean, really, why should you need to demonstrate something to be able to be here, especially if you want to come here for a demonstration, then it really doesn't make sense... (Mindless babbling is drowned out by the sound of a royal fanfare)

HERALD: Ahem. I present his royal highness, King Reginald.

REGINALD: (Nervously) Ah, yes, good morning, er, afternoon, my subjects. I have called you here for a very important reason. What I have to ask of you is of the utmost importance. Therefore I insist that you waste no time and immediately begin.

PERSON 3: (Quietly to PERSON 1, amid much whispering in the crowd) Begin what? Wasting time?

REGINALD: Oh, dear yes, that would be a very good idea. What you must do, my loyal followers is seek out an object of great importance. Its power is great, and my need for it is equally great. I ask you this not for myself, but for my daughter, who will surely perish without its aid.

REGINALD: Yes, that would help I suppose. The item I speak of is called the Hythusian Orb. Surely you've heard of it.

REGINALD: No? You haven't heard of such an item? Oh my... Well, I suppose you shall just have to seek it out by name then. Let it be known throughout all the land that I seek this object, and that the one who presents it to me will be greatly rewarded. That is all, good day.

JIM: (To himself) I shall find it my princess, I shall find the object that will heal you. No matter what horrors may stand in my path, you shall not be harmed while I still breathe.

SCENE 2: Somewhere in the palace

CLAUDE: Nice job out there this afternoon. It could have been better, but that was good enough for your foolish subjects.

REGINALD: (Sarcastically) I'm so glad you approve.

CLAUDE: Behave old man, I still don't have what I want, and until I do, you really should be nice to me. Otherwise things could get a bit... unpleasant around here.

REGINALD: It already is quite unpleasant here.

CLAUDE: But it could be worse, and if your people fail in their assigned quest then you shall find out exactly what I mean. Try to imagine what could happen to the things you hold dear, to those you care about more than anything else...

REGINALD: (Enraged) Don't you dare hurt my daughter!

CLAUDE: (Taken aback) I wouldn't think of it. After all, why would I throw away my ticket to the throne?

REGINALD: (Somewhat taken off guard) What? The throne? How? But... You don't mean...

CLAUDE: Why yes I do. I see you aren't as much of a fool as you appear. Kings die all the time, especially old ones like you. Nobody would think twice about it, especially if some kindly ambassador, myself of course, were to step in, marry the princess, and selflessly take on the responsibilities of the crown.

REGINALD: (Furious, yet calm) My daughter will never consent to marry you.

CLAUDE: Oh really? Right now she believes that she is dying of some horrible, rare illness, and that I am the only person who knows how to cure her. I can always find some way to pretend to cure her, even without the orb, and then she'll be so endebted to me that she'll say yes to anything I ask. Royalty is so predictable.

REGINALD: (Trying to contain himself) If there is nothing further, then I shall retire for the evening.

CLAUDE: Yes, yes, go, I've had enough of this for now.

HENCHMAN 1: I still can't believe he's a king. You'd think "his royal highness" would be giving orders, not taking them.

CLAUDE: He is simply doing what he must to protect his people. After all, if he doesn't do what I say, thousands of robbers, murderers, and other such unsavory fellows will descend upon his peaceful kingdom. The people around here haven't had so much as a bar brawl in as long as they can remember, so the king knows that he has no real defense.

HENCHMAN 2: Thousands? I didn't know you knew that many of them.

CLAUDE: I don't, you idiot, that's the point. As long as he thinks I do though, I can control him like a puppet. With all the "demonstrations" I've given of my capabilities, he has no choice but to believe, and obey.

HENCHMAN 2: But that was just me an' him chasing around a buncha chickens and smashing some windows. Thousands would be a lot worse than that.

CLAUDE: You still don't get it, do you? The king has no concept of what a thousand, or even a dozen criminals can do. A little broken glass and some flustered fowl seems like a total disaster to him.

HENCHMAN 1: (To HENCHMAN 2) Just leave the thinking to him. I haven't bothered to think about anything in years, and I'm doing just fine.

CLAUDE: Good idea. I think that's enough for today.

CLAUDE: (Paranoid) What was that?

HENCHMAN 1: What was what?

CLAUDE: That noise, didn't you hear it?

HENCHMAN 2: Which noise?

HENCHMAN 1: It was probably just some rat, there's lots of them around here.

CLAUDE: Yes, you're probably right. This place is just swarming with vermin. That will definitely be my first action as king: the extermination of all pests, rodents and... (evil grin) otherwise.

SCENE 3: Somewhere in a courtyard

ZORMIX: Excuse me kind sir, but what exactly is that, that thing (points toward mime) over there?

BYSTANDER: What? Oh, I believe he calls himself a mime.

ZORMIX: Mime? I've never heard of his people before. Did he say where he is from? Mimeon perhaps, or maybe Mimeandor?

BYSTANDER: I think the term mime refers to his profession and not necessarily his place of origin, like a jester of some sort.

ZORMIX: A jester? Yes, yes, I suppose that would make sense, except jesters usually do entertaining things like juggle or tell lewd jokes or make asses of themselves.

BYSTANDER: But can't you see? He is doing that, at least that's what I gather from what's been told of him.

ZORMIX: He is? (MIME is doing the "walking against the wind" routine) What's so entertaining about some fool walking hunched over like that?

BYSTANDER: He's not walking hunched over, he's walking against the wind.

ZORMIX: Wind? What wind? I do admit that there is a very faint breeze, but I would hardly think it necessary to walk differently because of it.

BYSTANDER: But that's the genius of it, there ISN'T any wind. He just makes it look like there is.

ZORMIX: So this is some sort of deception, to fool people into thinking that there's a wind when there isn't one?

BYSTANDER: (Beginning to get annoyed) No, it isn't deception, it's entertainment. (MIME does the "pulling on a rope" routine.) See? Now he's pulling on a rope.

ZORMIX: What rope?

BYSTANDER: (Excitedly) There isn't a rope, but if you didn't know that you would think that there was. Isn't it amazing?

ZORMIX: Hardly amazing. (MIME does the "trapped in a box" routine.) What's he doing now, waving his palms at us?

BYSTANDER: No, he's trapped in a box, can't you tell? His hands seem to be hitting some invisible wall, and he can't find a way out.

ZORMIX: Well if he's trapped in a box then why doesn't he shout "Help, I'm trapped in a box!" or something of that nature?

BYSTANDER: Because the point is to convey these images through actions, without sounds. Isn't it just the best entertainment you've ever seen? I don't know why someone didn't think of it sooner.

ZORMIX: (To himself) I think I do... Hmm. Walking against the wind, trapped in a box... It has the potential to be entertaining, it just lacks some... reality.

ZORMIX: Now that is rather amusing.

BYSTANDER: Of course it is, it's brilliant!

JIM: Oh, excuse me. (Looks at ZORMIX) I'm so terribly sorry oh wise one, please forgive me, I had no intention of harming one so aged and powerful as yourself.

ZORMIX: Calm down boy, you just bumped into me, it's not the end of the world.

JIM: But I should have been paying attention. It was very disrespectful of me, and I am at your mercy.

ZORMIX: Forget about it, there was no harm done.

JIM: Are you sure wise sir? I would gladly accept any punishment you see fit.

ZORMIX: Yes I'm sure, and don't call me "wise sir" or "aged one," it makes me feel old.

JIM: How old are you um, um...

ZORMIX: Zormix, just call me Zormix, and I'd rather not say.

JIM: I'm sorry Zormix, it was rude of me to ask, wasn't it. My name is Jim. I meant no disrespect, I just thought...

ZORMIX: I don't want to know what you thought, I don't want to know anything that you're thinking, just keep it to yourself and make things easier for both of us.

JIM: If that is what you wish, then that is what I shall do.

ZORMIX: And if I told you to jump off a cliff would you do that too?

JIM: What? I do not understand, what purpose would jumping off a cliff serve? Would you feel that to be an adequate punishment?

ZORMIX: Never mind, never mind, just go about your business and don't mind me.

JIM: As you wish. (Starts to leave but pauses and turns back around.) Pardon me for asking, but would you be willing to assist me in a matter of great importance?

ZORMIX: Despite my apparently remarkable appearance, I really doubt that I could be of assistance to one such as yourself.

JIM: I am seeking something called the Hythusian Orb. Have you by any chance heard of it?

ZORMIX: Why would you want that dreadful thing?

JIM: Dreadful? Why is it so dreadful? I seek it because my king has commanded his subjects to retrieve it.

ZORMIX: If that is so, then I absolutely cannot assist you in helping this wicked king of yours. Nothing good can come from that orb, and I will not be a part of whatever it is that your king wants that thing for.

JIM: I assure you that my king is good and just, and the orb is needed to heal his daughter, princess Lilia.

ZORMIX: Your king is a liar. The Hythusian Orb is very powerful indeed, but it is pure evil and cannot possibly heal anything.

JIM: (Defensive) My king would never lie! He has selflessly devoted himself to his people, and his rein has brought peace throughout the land.

ZORMIX: If that is true, then your king must be a fool, because the orb will surely destroy all that he has accomplished.

JIM: That doesn't make sense, the ambassador from Drestenla has personally diagnosed the princess's illness. He has said that only that orb can heal her.

ZORMIX: Drestenla? Are you certain that this ambassador is from Drestenla?

JIM: Yes, that is where he says he comes from.

ZORMIX: That's very interesting, because Drestenla was destroyed five hundred years ago. I guess news travels rather slowly in this part of the world...

JIM: Destroyed? Are you sure? Could he not be from the area that Drestenla once occupied?

ZORMIX: I suppose, except that land is now part of the ocean. Unless he has gills, I think this ambassador is lying to you.

JIM: I don't think he has any gills, although I haven't really looked that closely.

ZORMIX: When did he arrive here?

JIM: A few months ago, just before the princess's illness began.

ZORMIX: What a coincidence. What does he look like?

JIM: Average height, average build, rather average overall.

ZORMIX: (Sarcastically) Does he have average length hair and average color skin as well?

JIM: (Seriously) Why yes, do you know him?

ZORMIX: How about distinguishing features, scars, birthmarks, his voice, actions, anything at all.

JIM: Well, I think I've seen him limping a bit, favoring his left leg. He has a faint scar above his right eye. I haven't heard him speak, he seems to only speak directly to the king.

ZORMIX: Interesting... Does he wear hideously fancy clothing adorned with various equally hideous types of jewelry?

JIM: Now that you mention it, I believe he does.

ZORMIX: I was afraid of that. This would appear to be a serious matter then, and your king must be in terrible danger.

JIM: (Very concerned) And the princess's illness?

ZORMIX: Almost certainly a complete fabrication. That man will go to any length to get what he wants, as long as someone else is doing all the work. If you are truly concerned about the well being of your local royalty, then I may be willing to help you.

JIM: I would do anything to help my princess.

ZORMIX: Then let's go somewhere a little more private to discuss how to deal with this situation.

SCENE 4: Somewhere private

JIM: So who is this false ambassador, and how do you know him?

ZORMIX: Believe it or not he was once an apprentice of mine. He went by the name of Claude. He claimed to be truly interested in my art, but he really only wanted a shortcut to immense power. After he realized that my teaching wouldn't satisfy his greed, he left.

JIM: So he has no magical power?

ZORMIX: I didn't say that. He did manage to pick up a few things, just enough to make himself dangerous. It would seem that he hasn't had much luck fulfilling his goals of power and wealth, and hearing of the Hyhusian Orb must have given him some new ideas.

JIM: Just what is this orb anyway, and what could Claude do with it?

ZORMIX: The Hythusian Orb is a rather peculiar object. Nobody really knows where it came from, or what it is made of, but what is known is that it is purely evil. It feeds on the souls of the truly deranged, giving them what they want while it slowly kills them.

JIM: If it kills those who use it, then why would anyone want it?

ZORMIX: You really are pure of heart aren't you? It offers power, and some people don't care what the cost is. The last person who made use of the orb had a smile on his face even after the life was drained from his body by that horrid orb, still clenched tightly in his fist.

JIM: Just how would you know about the facial expression of a dead man holding a missing orb?

ZORMIX: Who said it was missing? I know exactly where I put it after I pried it out of that poor soul's hand. He sure had one hell of a grip for a corpse.

JIM: (Eagerly) You had it? Where is it now?

ZORMIX: Hold on a minute, it's around here somewhere. (Fumbles around in his pockets) Hold this. (Hands JIM a slinky, and continues to pull out objects that are completely out of place.) And this, and... Oh, that's where I put that. I know it's in here somewhere. Ah, there it is. (Pulls out a small round stone, about the size of a large marble.)

JIM: That's it? That tiny little rock is the great and powerful Hythusian Orb?

ZORMIX: Hey, I didn't design it.

JIM: If it's only useful to the purely evil, then why do you carry it around with you?

ZORMIX: So it doesn't fall into the wrong hands of course. I've had it for so long that sometimes I even forget that I have it. I would imagine that it is a bit hungry by now, unable to feed for all these years. Who knows how it might react if presented with a meal...

JIM: (Interrupting) You speak as if it were alive. How can a piece of stone feel hunger?

ZORMIX: It actually is somewhat alive, despite its appearance. I haven't figured out just what kind of life it is though. Sometimes I can almost hear it crying...

JIM: (Interrupting again) Well, whatever it is I must have it.

ZORMIX: Absolutely not! Do you think I've been holding on to this thing for so long just to give it away to the first person who asks for it?

JIM: I don't care, all I know is that the king and the princess are in danger as long as Claude doesn't have that orb.

ZORMIX: And do you think they'll be safe if he gets it? Do you really think you'll have a fairy tale ending if you give that madman what he wants?

JIM: What else can I do? Reason with him? I have a duty to my king, and I must do whatever it takes to fulfill it.

ZORMIX: I am bound by no such duty, but I can't allow Claude to continue with what he's doing either. (ZORMIX pauses and appears to be thinking.) How would you feel about removing him from the picture without giving over the object of his desire?

JIM: If it could be done, I would gladly do whatever is necessary.

ZORMIX: I had a feeling you would say that. (Puts his hand on JIM's shoulder and leads him offstage.) Do you know how to handle a sword?

SCENE 5: The king's private chambers

LILIA: (Angrily) How can you allow him to do this to you father?

REGINALD: (Confused) What? Who? You really should be resting, your illness is not something to be taken lightly my dear.

LILIA: You can give up the act father, I know there isn't any illness, and you know who I mean. That so-called ambassador is leading you around by the nose and you're just standing there letting him get away with it.

REGINALD: Why whatever are you talking about? The Drestenlan ambassador has been of great help to me, and to you. If he hadn't come here we may not have become aware of your illness until it was too late.

LILIA: I heard the conversation you had with that scoundrel after your speech yesterday. I know he just made the whole thing up to get himself into a position to control you.

REGINALD: (He sighs.) I suppose I can't lie to you any longer. You're right of course, but there's nothing I can do.

LILIA: There's nothing you can do? You're the king! You can do anything you want.

REGINALD: King... Some king I am. I can't even protect my own daughter from a madman. I have no choice but to do as he says, or else I could lose everything.

LILIA: I still have a choice, and I'm not going to let him get away with this any longer.

HERALD: Excuse me your majesty, a gentleman has arrived claiming to have found the Hythusian Orb.

REGINALD: Really? Go fetch Claude, we will see this gentleman in the throne room.

HERALD: As you wish sire.

REGINALD: It may be over soon after all.

SCENE 6: The throne room

HERALD: Your highness, I present Jim, who has brought you the Hythusian Orb.

REGINALD: Welcome. Is it true that you have brought me that which will cure my daughter?

JIM: If you are asking if it is true that I have the Hythusian orb, then the answer is yes.

REGINALD: That is wonderful news. I'll take it now.

JIM: No.

REGINALD: What?

CLAUDE: (Louder than REGINALD) What?

JIM: I said no. I cannot let you have this orb, it is far too dangerous.

CLAUDE: (Shouting) Give it to me! I must have it!

ZORMIX: (To CLAUDE) No, you must not have it.

CLAUDE: (Angrily) You! How... (To HENCHMEN, frustrated) Don't just stand there, go get it!

CLAUDE: (To GUARDS) Guards! He's attacking the king! Stop him!

CLAUDE: (To JIM) Hold it right there. Drop the sword. (JIM drops his sword.) (To ZORMIX) And you, stop that and face me. If I see you move one hand or twitch a lip I'll spill this pretty little darling's blood out on this beautifully maintained floor. (To JIM) I'll take my orb now if you please.

JIM: (To CLAUDE) If that is what you want, then here, catch.

JIM: (To LILIA) Are you hurt?

LILIA: (To JIM) No, I'm just fine. (To REGINALD) Father, are you okay?

REGINALD: (Slightly in shock) What... Oh, yes, I'm quite alright I believe.

ZORMIX: (To himself, loud enough for the others to hear) Well, I guess that answers that question.

JIM: What?

ZORMIX: Right... here. (Quoting from scene 4) "I would imagine that it is a bit hungry by now, unable to feed for all these years. Who knows how it might react if presented with a meal..."

JIM: Oh, that.

REGINALD: (To JIM) Well, Jim, I am eternally grateful to you. You have saved myself, my kingdom, and most of all my daughter from that demented scoundrel. If there is anything you desire, just ask and it shall be yours.

JIM: There is nothing in this world that I truly need.

REGINALD: (Surprised) Are you sure? Nothing at all? Gold, livestock, a house in the hills perhaps?

JIM: I need none of those things. (Sadly) There is but one request I could make, but I cannot bring myself to ask.

REGINALD: What is it? If it is within my power to grant then I shall.

JIM: (Reluctantly) I have admired your daughter since the moment I first set eyes upon her...

REGINALD: Say no more, I understand perfectly. You want to marry her, and that is easy enough to arrange.

JIM: I cannot ask of her anything she will not fully agree to.

LILIA: I would be honored to call someone as brave, honest, and true as yourself my husband.

REGINALD: That settles it then, it looks like we're having a wedding. (To HERALD) Go fetch me a priest. (To GUARDS) You two, get these corpses out of my sight.

PRIEST: You sent for me sire?

REGINALD: Yes, I want you to perform my daughters wedding.

PRIEST: Very well, when would you like the wedding to take place?

REGINALD: Right now is fine.

PRIEST: Now? Are you sure? Don't you want time to prepare and send out invitations and decorate and prepare a feast?

REGINALD: (Strongly) And give them a chance to change their minds? Of course not. Just get on with it, and skip all the long boring speeches. I've had a long day, and I would like to get to bed.

PRIEST: As you wish.

PRIEST: Dearly beloved... (Glances up at REGINALD, who motions him to get on with it.) Um, do you, uh...

JIM: Jim.

PRIEST: Do you Jim take Princess Lilia to be your wife?

JIM: I do.

PRIEST: And do you Princess Lilia take Jim to be your husband?

LILIA: I do.

PRIEST: (Hurrying) Then I now pronounce you husband and wife, go ahead and kiss.

THE END

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