I can't think of a title this time

by Matthew M. Lug - Newspeak Staff

I don't mean to be repetitive, but I'm starting yet another article with a correction to the previous one. It's just a small correction, so this won't take long, unless I keep going on and on about absolutely nothing until I forget about what I was going to say. I'm not going to do that however, so now I'll get to the point. In last week's awards, the honorable mentions in the Most Overpackaged category shouldn't have been in the Most Overpackaged category, or any category actually. That was supposed to be a separate category for stuff that didn't fit into any other category. There, that's it for corrections, I think, I didn't actually read the whole thing to check for errors, it was rather long.

Now I would like to congratulate everyone who was on Riley 4 at noon last Thursday (including myself) for taking less than 20 minutes to figure out that the strange-smelling smoke that was filling up the hallway wasn't caused by anything intentional, but was instead caused by a fire in a locked room with nobody inside. We didn't have any marshmallows, and we couldn't get inside anyway, so we just stood in the hallway inhaling the smoke until the police got there. Our next barbecue will be completely unannounced and unexpected, just like this one, so don't bother asking us when it will be. And by the way, smoke and fire and stuff are bad. Don't set your room on fire (or anyone else's room either) unless you are a trained professional.

This is where the main part of my article would usually go, but I can't think of anything to write about, so I'm just going to take up as much space as I can. I might even have something interesting in here somewhere.

Ok, I guess I probably won't have anything interesting in here, so now is probably a good time to ask you (yeah, YOU) some questions. Please answer the correct set of questions as honestly as possible, and either e-mail the answers to me at mttlg@wpi.edu, or send them on paper to my WPI box, which is 1870. I suppose you could send them to Newspeak if you wanted to, but it's probably easier to just send them straight to me. This survey should also be available at http://www.wpi.edu/~mttlg/survey.html, and I will try to use the results in a future article about beautiful women at WPI if enough of you respond.

If you are male, please answer this set of questions:

1. In your opinion, what qualities define a woman as being beautiful?

2. About how many women do you know at WPI who you would consider beautiful?

3. Do you feel that this is too many or too few compared to the number of women you know at WPI?
Too Many

Too Few

4. Do you feel that there are too many or too few beautiful women at WPI in general?
Too Many

Too Few

5. Where at WPI do you think you are most likely to find beautiful women?

6. Are you extremely superficial or self-centered?
Yes

7. Do you think answering yes to question 6 would cause a person to be generally disliked by women?
Yes

If you are female, please answer this set of questions:

1. What qualities do you think males look for in a woman to define her as beautiful?

2. Do you think you are beautiful?
Yes

3. Do others think you are beautiful?
Yes

4. What do you think are your most attractive qualities?

5. Do you think a perceived lack of beautiful women would be more likely due to a lack of beauty, or a problem in the perception of beauty?
Real lack of beauty

Problem with the perception of beauty

6. Do you think this is just a stupid topic?
Yes

Any other comments?

If you have any additional comments, please include them with your answers. Don't take this too seriously, but please be serious with your answers. Any responses that are obviously not serious will either be discarded, or put in a future article. I think I'm out of stuff to say for this week, so I'm just going to keep going anyway, because this article is just too short. Or maybe I'll go to sleep instead...

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