Another Year

Another year gone, another year wasted... I try to think of what has happened in these past months, but I keep coming up blank. So much has happened, but none of it seems to matter. No love, nothing worth remembering. It's gotten to the point where I wonder whether I'll ever be able to love again. Is the ability to love something that atrophies over time? Or does the absence of love cause it to flare up out of control when the opportunity presents itself? Can I ever love in a normal way again? Was I ever capable of it in the first place? So many questions, no way to find the answers. I try to try, but I don't even know where to begin. I want to give so much, but I never get the chance to. I see beauty all around me, so close, but never close enough. Even now, it's as close as it could possibly be, yet still out of reach. I just don't know what to do anymore. I live from day to day with nothing certain but uncertainty, nothing permanent, nothing worth holding on to. No sound except that of my own voice echoing inside my room, or inside my head. Only an imagined life of things that cannot be, in a world too far away from this one. So much, so far, so insignificant. Where do I go from here? There has to be something more, there just has to. I hope...

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